My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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