She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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