Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
