I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize