Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
