I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
