Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
