My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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