So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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