I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
be right there i have to get my cape
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
