Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
