I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
