I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
