My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
