I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
