my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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