Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
