You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
