wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
