Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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