I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
