I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My life is pants optional.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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