When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
