you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
