piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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