Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
