this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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