I just made out with a guy for $7.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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