fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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