I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Operation Purity has been aborted
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
