A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
