They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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