so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to make out with him forever
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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