I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize