eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
