I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
