Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
