I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
