i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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