In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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