Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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