Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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