So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
