we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
