All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
