I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
50% drunk capacity currently
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
