I cut my penus on the lid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
