I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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