I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
