Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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