I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize