are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
