yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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