I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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