if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
