I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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