She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
