she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
