She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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