Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
