The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
