i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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