every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
